brrrrfday.

i feel a little lame doing a post about my own birthday...

but i think it was the best i have ever had :)

(not that i don't enjoy the one where a lesbian wouldn't leave me alone all night...ahem...sense my sarcasm?)

but it was by far the most simple

simple is key here :)

its when i don't try to be exciting i find myself enjoying myself the most! 

we had a birthday lunch, with hot dogs cut in half covered in mash potatoes and cheese.

its amazing just so everyone knows, one of my all time favorites. 

i had a cookie monster cake, (the coolest thing ever) and root beer floats :) 

(that was my piece after i ate the cake lol, i hate frosting but i really wanted cookie monsters face haha)

meags giving river her first root beer float!

then blake, river and i had some play time at my parents :) we all cuddled on their couch and river made us sit the way she wanted us too.... she has gotten into this thing that she thinks we are her personal pose able dolls....

blake had to go to work, so my mom and sisters and i went on a drive by the lake....

then river and i napped :)

when blake got off he took me too gnomeo and juliet! yay!! :D 

then the texas roadhouse where i had some pretty tasty catfish.

we came home and just watched ratatouille with river, who can never sit still and just rolled over us and jumped on us....and climbed on us....and pulled our noses lol. 

it was a pretty good day.

my pink guitar....

i got my pink guitar from blake today :) and these are the songs i've worked on all day.

nirvana of course my favorrrriteeee.

and emily, a very special song to me :) 

i'm teaching my self so at least i have the tabs memorized today, now i just need to practice!

the beautiful things in my life....

its a good thing this boy loves me, because i sure do love to embarrass him....he he hee..

yes thats my bra on his head and he doesn't know....

yes he is asleep and i covered him that way and took a picture.....

the next one...no comment, its just hilarious....

and the last one...he thinks he is pretty if you can tell lol

how can anyone not be the happiest person alive waking up to this girl?

my dearest mama took me birthday shopping today, and got me a new bag for my hair toolssss

it is so much easier to lug around then that huge roller thing i had before!! 

they also got me a star to replace the one that broke a few days ago :)

keeping track of the books i've read this year, i can add these to the list, they were my favorite series when i was in the 7th grade so i'm rereading them. i still love them.they bring me back to the good old days :) 

(i am a little disappointed they turned it into a cartoon though....)

any ways just another post the little special things!

BE PROACTIVE!

BE BE PROACTIVE!

i've just borrowed the book "choose to be happy" from my sister this evening.

i felt myself falling into my reoccuring seasonal depression where i'm listless, could care less about almost everything and just can't bring myself to do anything but sleep. 

i already feel like this was a good decision to read it, even though I've known all the things the author says in the book for years. she describes it in such a way that defines all the built up negativity i bring to my life!

since i will be a year older this weekend I've decided to take it upon myself to change my perception and life for the better!

it will be my year of "a better me, a better life and better for everyone around me" plan

i sabotage my own happiness because I'm not comfortable with being happy.

that is the complete truth. 

I'm proud to say that i am no longer the unhappy person i was in high school, who disliked others because i wanted to be them or because they were different then me.

no that passed along time ago and I'm so happy to not struggle with that.

my problem is i feel guilty for everything... even things that are not my problem, things i can't control, and rude things that i think about, (that sometimes feel uncontrollable but very human to think)

 i dwell on all the terrible things that could happen to me and my family....

  I'm constantly telling myself I'm a horrible person, because I'm not the perfect inner person i wish i was.

yep. no more of that.

its my mission to be happy, because i want to be and because i can.

every time i have a negative thought I'll replace it with something positive.

every time i think negatively about some one, i will take my notebook and write a whole paragraph on all the good things about that person! 

reprogramming my mind for a more positive perception

100% effort. 

I'll make everything around me an environment that will keep me on track.

no distraction.

things i find beautiful, things i find inspiring, and throwing out anything that keeps me down.

yep.... even the old high school ex photo box I've always insisted on keeping.

  I'll be newly 22, new life, and a new mind.

  I'm determined.

and to top it off, something i find cute and inspiring :)

m,,,,,

[-       ds dfssdixd k 51665jdo.

    jjhhuubhb

-Post brought to you by River

she had something to say i guess

no more facebook?

we will see, its been a whole month since i deactivated my account....

and i don't even miss it to be honest i may never go back!

i'm enjoying spending all my time with my cute little daughter.... 

 

and working on me! its like a breath of fresh air staying out of others peoples business ( life without facebook stalking to be exact!)

and last entry of the day....

i promise!

but i just gotta say, my sister has skills!

River A. Fruits, the story thus far....

{Rivers blue steel/smolder model look}

River was born May 26th 2009

weighing 7lbs 5oz

to a father who is an artist and a mother who can only be described as a wanderer....

when she was just a new born her parents thought she resembled a little onion when she made her favored bitter beer face...this was how she became known as onion head...

she refused to hold in her own binky and still to this day will not hold her own bottle....

but can handle a cup (and soda) like a pro!!

her hair stuck up like a little troll doll and everyone who saw her commented on how funny it was.

she was everyones favorite in both her mothers and fathers side for she was the first grandchild.

her first word was baby and she learned to walk at 9 almost 10 months. 

she is a dancing fool and loves to howl at the moon. 

her favorite thing in the world is animals, she thinks she is an animal most of the time and thats fine with her family! :) 

her mother always wanted a little luna lovegood of her own, and River is that and more..
now at almost 2 years little river hates food...and drinking....but loves playing and watching movies!
she imitates all the characters she knows!
even stabbing a sword? saying hi-ya! where that came from no one knows....

BUT
her name WAS going to be Ivie Finne, but at the last moment it was decided that name just didn't suit her or her parents. this incredible, wild and free little child can only have such a name!

a big name for a big spirit!

jessie my gypsy....

I've never wrote a blog about this sister I'm afraid....

but its about time.

she has grown on me the last few years, because i never took the time to realize that she is the nicest and most sincere person you will ever come by!

she is much like a bird...attracted to shiny things....

and her room is filled with pretty much anything gold, purple and...rocks...thats right rocks...

she is creative, passive, caring and my moo moo cow gypsy.

plus...kind of a babe....

itty bitty baby sister....

my little baby sister graduated!

a little over a year early mind you......

that's right she is a genius!

 

we took a few last minute seniors to remember it by!

well i had a whole big blog planned about river and a bunch of pictures taken to put up....but my camera is not uploading to the computer after i thought i fixed it :( bummmmmer and a half....

but we just ordered Jeanette and Eleanor chipmunk beanie baby's, they are the last she needs to finish her collection! she loves them so much we can't go any where without them....still....

one day i will do a blog about all there adventures, because no toy has experienced as much as they!

{okay maybe that's not true, but they have been in the potty/ trash can/ left at target/ and every where else we've been since Christmas lol} 

 

 but there they are! :) 

i'm in need of a long picture filled blog of my daughter and its coming :D 

i've finally finished all the little prairie series :) 

they were soooo very tough to get through because they are so very slow, but they do make you appreciate life as we know it.

now on to another book. and another and i'll keep them posted so i can keep track :)

i've gotten my house clean all but my art/sewing room, but that is taking forever!

i bought all new storage boxes and a cute limegreen paisley sewing basket that i'm pretty much in love with. so that room is a weekend project! 

 

mm how awesome is this?

happy birthday to me :) 

also i've come down with the serious condition of tea-kettle-itis...

blake says it will pass....

but if you have ever came down with the disease you too would find your morning and nightly tea dissatisfying if the water was  not heated in one of these....

blog filled with blaaaaah. 

but sometimes you need that :) 

sharing the little things that make you happy!

today is house restoration day!

that means EVERYTHING WILL BE ORGANIZED! and there will be no sleep or rest until its done!

in other words its spring cleaning time and ima kick butt! wish me luck!

recently I've had some inner struggles because i haven't been as understanding as I'd like to be.

it makes me feel guilty, and i beat myself up for not being tolerant of others differences.

but its time for me to stop that and think it through, why i feel the negative feelings and turn it into something more positive!

we must be our very best selves because we are the only us's in the whole world!

and I'm not saying there is any one standard for us being "our best selves" because no one but god knows our individual standards and what we have been raised to think or feel.  

that's the beauty of being different, there is so much to learn and grow from.

open your mind too!  

why would anyone want to be someone else? why pretend to be others in hopes of approval?  its not pretty to see someone constantly changing there opinion in hopes of pleasing other people.

wheres the fun in that? 

there is nothing better then meeting new people and opening new doors to endless possibilities! 

but be true to yourself! do what makes YOU happy, be who YOU want to be, when YOU believe something make sure YOU are doing it because its whats right for YOU. 

not just because its the next cool thing to do and you change every thing you stand for!

okay maybe its not as positive as i wanted it to be, but WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT. embrace your individuality and respect others for theirs! 

differences make the world go round :)

just think about how amazing it is that you are you and no one else can take that!

before you say or do something, think about why your doing it. 

is it because it makes you happy? because its what you believe? 

are you doing it for you? or are you following the crowd?

 blah i don't know if I'll ever be able to explain that but i hope i didn't make it confusing....i do have a backwards way of explaining things haha    

 on another note.

i'm in love with the ready set, probably because of his hair....so because it makes me so very very happy i attempted my own more girly version of his hair mmm.. i have never loved my hair more!

rambling musicnesssss

if you know me very well you know i'm passionate about music.

but i lack any musical skill haha yay for me!

 but i'm thinking about picking up the guitar :)

my music library needs a little face lift i've also decided! 

so everyone send me your favorite band and song :) so i can broaden my horizons! 

mmm i'm buying sleeping with sirens album today, i'm a little in love with them.

okay this is my little secret that isn't so secret....

i love this song SO much. partly just because i love willow smith and her little spunky attitude....

but i want to teach river this dance :)

we're getting pretty good at lady gaga so its time to learn some new moves :)

is thinking....

about going private?

i read this quote and automatically highlighted it.

"anybody knew that no two men were alike. you could measure cloth with a yardstick, or distance by miles, but you could not lump men together and measure them by any rule. brains and character did not depend on anything but the man himself" 

-Laura Ingalls Wilder: the long winter

this made me smile, its exactly how i keep from being jealous of others and why i should not judge a book by its cover. each of us have quality's and down falls, just in different ways. 

we are all equal, because we are so different.

{the picture that made my day}

well the good/fun news is:

River got the most precious Tiana Princess dress from the disney store

she looks like a real little princess i could watch her in it all day :) 

and i got a Unicorn backpack and named him popcorn, its my new purse.....

the bad news is:

River dropped my nikon and now its broken....and i have lost the charger to my smaller camera....

so i can't take pictures of my little princess or my popcorn.....

22.

i turn 22 in 17 days. 

I've tried to reflect on all the things I've accomplished and learned.

I have come ALONG WAY. 

I don't regret anything I've ever done, those things have made me a stronger and deeper person no matter how foolish it was i learned something from it. 

I know i need to love everyone for who they are as a person, religion, race, and materialistic things don't make a person. there hearts and what they bring to the world are true gifts and we are so lucky to have each and every person in our lives. 

(even if we have a hard time once in awhile or some one we can not stand, they are the universe's way of saying "hey this is a lesson of tolerance, patience and forgiveness you need to learn")

i guess what I'm trying to say is everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard or tough things get we have to have hope and faith :) never ever stop learning. always help each other with the purest intentions. take each person and situation for what it is because it is a gift. 

AND

never ever lose yourself.

and i'll always be the weird little paigee from starcrest apartment 155 hahaha :)

a group of mothers and there sons came into school yesterday. 

there sons were 3-4 and the cutest little kids i've ever seen, one even looked just like river to me. 

but they were born with only half a heart, and only a few of the children with this condition live to see there 20's. after hearing each of there stories about finding out and all the struggles they've had i LOST it. 

i cried and cried and cried....i couldn't stop....i even went home early to calm down. 

its situations like this that i know god and the universe sent them to me so i could hear there stories and give me the motivation to CHANGE, the things that need to be changed. 

and realize exactly where i stand and what I'm doing wrong.

yesterday was gods way of sending me a wake up call, to appreciate my little healthy child and spend every moment i can to make her happy and a grow to be the best little person she can be.

its also his way of saying that i need to stop abusing my health with coffee and energy drinks. I HAVE THE CHOICE AND THE CHANCE TO BE HEALTHY AND LIVE A LONG LIFE.

those little boys don't :( so i will no longer take the wonderful life i have for granted.

from this day forward i will be the healthiest person i can be, because I'm a very fortunate person.

words to live by, and the person i wish to be.

Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

an ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.

  Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding. 

As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves. 

Before the throne of the Almighty, man will be judged not by his acts but by his intentions. For God alone reads our hearts. 

Confession of errors is like a broom which sweeps away the dirt and leaves the surface brighter and clearer. I feel stronger for confession.  

Constant development is the law of life, and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas in order to appear consistent drives himself into a false position. 

Each one prays to God according to his own light. 

Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into.

Gentleness, self-sacrifice and generosity are the exclusive possession of no one race or religion. 

all words of Gandhi.

these are my rules for living life, peacefully, happily and in a self-less manner.

always in service of others just for the sake of good karma and nothing more. 

i want to spend every day trying to better myself, and following my role models ways.  

Note To Self: 

Charles Ingalls Is Your Favorite

You Admire Laura Ingalls!! (especially her spirit)

Carrie is way better in the books

Mary and Caroline Ingalls are uptight....

And Self,  always remember that the TV show is mostly untrue....and made up.....

BUT you were always right about Almanzo Wilder he is pooh in the show AND the book.....

cabin fever.

I've kept myself busy this winter by lots of sewing, reading and new craft ideas,

even crocheting (which by the way, I'm TERRIBLE at.)

I haven't even noticed it being winter and snowy outside....until this last week and now all that pent up love for the sun is ready to explode! 

poor river stands on my bed and watches the 3 kittys that live in our bushes, she gets so sad when she says "out?" and i tell her no. she is dying to play with those cats! 

I've named them, 

Barbosa is the very fat bobcat looking one....he may be part bulldog lol. 

(plus he is my favorite) 

Gingee, obviously he is a ginger kitty. 

then the one whose name changes every time i see him, 

because i can never remember it. 

today it will be Raymond. 

River and I miss our walks outside, and playing in grandmas garden.

my daughter loves picking tomatoes off the vine and eating them right there, 

and i miss watching her calling them "mato mato"

we are counting down until spring :)

 can i just say that I'm in love with Asian street style?

its true. 

I modeled for my friends NAHA project today. 

it was an amazing experience and can't wait to post the pictures. 

she did an amazing job.