i've just borrowed the book "choose to be happy" from my sister this evening.
i felt myself falling into my reoccuring seasonal depression where i'm listless, could care less about almost everything and just can't bring myself to do anything but sleep.
i already feel like this was a good decision to read it, even though I've known all the things the author says in the book for years. she describes it in such a way that defines all the built up negativity i bring to my life!
since i will be a year older this weekend I've decided to take it upon myself to change my perception and life for the better!
it will be my year of "a better me, a better life and better for everyone around me" plan
i sabotage my own happiness because I'm not comfortable with being happy.
that is the complete truth.
I'm proud to say that i am no longer the unhappy person i was in high school, who disliked others because i wanted to be them or because they were different then me.
no that passed along time ago and I'm so happy to not struggle with that.
my problem is i feel guilty for everything... even things that are not my problem, things i can't control, and rude things that i think about, (that sometimes feel uncontrollable but very human to think)
i dwell on all the terrible things that could happen to me and my family....
I'm constantly telling myself I'm a horrible person, because I'm not the perfect inner person i wish i was.
yep. no more of that.
its my mission to be happy, because i want to be and because i can.
every time i have a negative thought I'll replace it with something positive.
every time i think negatively about some one, i will take my notebook and write a whole paragraph on all the good things about that person!
reprogramming my mind for a more positive perception
100% effort.
I'll make everything around me an environment that will keep me on track.
no distraction.
things i find beautiful, things i find inspiring, and throwing out anything that keeps me down.
yep.... even the old high school ex photo box I've always insisted on keeping.
I'll be newly 22, new life, and a new mind.
I'm determined.
and to top it off, something i find cute and inspiring :)
I have the same problem with seasonal depression. Seriously. I wish that I could get myself out of the mindset. I am so sick of not being able to hang out outside, I can't wait for warmer weather. I know it probably won't mean much, but I think you are a beautiful lady with adorable style, and an adorable daughter. & your talented:) I hope you can kick the bad thoughts soon! And Happy Early Birthday!
ReplyDeletedepression is never fun, and it's something that people take lightly or see as 'no big deal'. Honestly, I have found that helping my depression is usually things from my child hood(which is strange seeing as how my child hood wasn't exactly dandy) but watching my favorite movies or listening to music is a good pick me up. (I'm in a Spice Girls kick lately)-laughs-.
ReplyDeleteWhenever you feel down know this-
You are an amazing person who grows every day.
You are one of the most beautiful people I have met(Inside and out)
I had other thing to add to that list but my mind went blank >///<;
With that note-are you still coming to the Japan Festival in April?! If so we definitely need to meet there!!It shall be fun :3
take care~